View profile

This is not a safe space

This is not a safe space
By Elizabeth Filips • Issue #10 • View online
Heya, 
I’ve had years of training for welfare. To create comfortable, accepting, non-judgemental spaces for discussions to occur. A ‘safe’ space, or a ‘brave’ space. 
So you can imagine my shock when I was listening to a podcast wherein the invitee, someone I massively respected thus far, said he didn’t believe in safe spaces. That he didn’t have them in his relationship, or at his workplace. 
As ‘thank God I’m not his wife’ as that sounded at first, I will admit, it took me about 10 seconds to come around to agreeing with him. Let’s see if I can do the same here. (worth listening to the whole podcast though, it’s so good!) 
In long-term relationships: with family, partners, colleagues, he argued that it’s worth sacrificing emotional cushioning for real honesty
“In being honest, we’re going to be direct, we’re going to say harsh things - in the spirit of ‘I want to lift you up, I want to see you get better’.”
And I will say that I love that. I believe I’ve often gone too much in the whole other direction of ‘I must be fully kind, polite and supportive for someone to feel OK’. 
And while noone is arguing for rude honesty, there’s perhaps something to be said for consensual, respectful honesty
The type that tells you you’ve not been great and that you’ve made poor choices when you ask. The type that accepts you at the not-so-great times and is honest about wanting a change. The type that supports and believes in improvements while accepting and calling the present what it is: sometimes not amazing. 
And furthermore, this attitude gives full credibility to compliments when they’re there. To shared brainstorming for improvement. To support and trustworthiness. I will say, I am a fan. 
Curious as to your thoughts! 
Hoping you have an amazing week, 
Liz xx 

Quote of the week
“You will become way less concerned with what other people think of you when you realise how seldom they do.“ 
— David Foster Wallace
My Favourite Things This Week
Podcast - Unsurprisingly, it’s going to be the one from above. It’s called The Mindset of Success in Marriage & Business w/Tom Bilyeu EP 1095 from the School of Greatness. It’s amazing to hear his strategies, both in business and his personal life in maintaining a successful long marriage, and creating a billion dollar business from nothing.
Gyms - I’m not going to lie, I’ve never been more excited about the opening of anything in my life. It’s been absolute months since I’ve properly worked out, and finally I’ve booked in a slot at the gym for next week.
House-hunting - I’m moving into a new flat (hopefully) next year, and I’m going through the pain/pleasure of looking for houses again. With my hospital placements scattered within and outside of London for the next two years, it seems impossible to avoid a 1h 2x daily commute, which very excitingly will mean SO much time for audiobooks and/or reading. Time to get a kindle. Any tips on how to make the house-hunting process less stressful are very much welcomed.
YouTube Videos this week
How I Designed My Life
How I Designed My Life
Did you enjoy this issue?
Elizabeth Filips

Hiya, I'm Elizabeth, a medical student, artist and YouTuber in London. Every Sunday I write about exploring meaning, productivity, little pleasures and just navigating life. And some of my favourite things that week.

If you don't want these updates anymore, please unsubscribe here.
If you were forwarded this newsletter and you like it, you can subscribe here.
Powered by Revue